intimacy Love, Sex and Marriage Mindfulness Relationships

Imaaaagination In Intimacy

Cummunication 101 #18

The fact is, a great sex life after you have been married for a while, in my case 18 years, takes work, effort, commitment, willingness, intimacy and yes some imagination. For instance what we used to call ’69’ is no longer that, its more like a 24.6. We are out of shape and broken military veterans who quite possible would kill each other by suffocation if we attempted this exact position. Go a head and laugh it up, while I am over here choking, literally, at the thought…LOL.

We can, however, be creative and give each other head in different positions like laying on our sides or one of us standing bent over the other. I am certainly not trying to draw or paint you a picture and hopefully you get the idea. IMAGINATION and CUMMUNICATION are key. 

We don’t really actually discuss ’69’ at all, we just really do what we want and like and we usually both enjoy it. If we don’t happen to dig it, we laugh about it and move on. Seriously, folks it is NOT that serious! You can’t be THAT serious when you might have a fat roll or two that needs to be moved out of the way to get to the good stuffs is all I am saying.

Maybe you just aren’t as bendy as you once were in your 20s…yoga is great for that by the way! The fact remains, any married sex life should be a fluid evolving entity. Expect it to change because it will and should change! AS you explore each other and yourselves you will discover that maybe you now like something you thought you wouldn’t like. Maybe you will discover that you really don’t like that thing he does with his tongue but you have let him do it for years. The point is, YOU have to want to try different things and sensations together. What you like today, you may not like tomorrow or maybe you still enjoy it but you can’t get into that pretzely triangle position any longer to do that.

Growing together and growing older together does not mean a mundane, boring or GASP non-existent sex life unless that is what you both have let it become or it’s something you both want.  It is NEVER too late to learn something new or throw something new into your sexual mix. 

Maybe you are in a rut, or are having less intimacy because of chronic pain, illness, disease or disability, desire has all but gone bye bye or you have given up or thrown in the towel… Perhaps you told yourself and anyone else that you just can’t anymore. I know you have heard the saying ‘speak life and not death’. Speak life over your sex life today, right now! Positive thinking brings positive changes, negative thinking brings negative changes. I repeatedly tell the girls on my soccer team, “whether you think you can or you think you can’t, either way, you are right!  Henry Ford said that.  Man, was he right.  This is true, not just on a soccer pitch, but with EVERY aspect of your life including sex. 

If this resonates with you, at all, and despite where ever you are today, I am willing to bet that intimacy, passion, desire, and feeling sexy did not just leave willingly from either of you. There is always opportunity to ignite passion. Yes, it takes work, effort, commitment, willingness and some imagination, BUT IT CAN BE DONE! You both have to own and do your part. You have to TALK to each other and CUMMUNICATE! 

I don’t keep saying this over and over for my benefit! I am saying it for the ones in the back and maybe front that haven’t had mind blowing, decent or even mediocre sex in a long time.

Sex is SO much more than penetration, folks. It is the level of intimacy and comfort you have with each other that enhances and also can detract from your sex life. I want you to have hope. There are numerous ways to be intimate even through chronic disease, illnesses, pain and disability. If you are willing to be honest with yourselves, honest with each other and do you part, I promise with some imaaaagination you can resurrect your passion for each other. If this is something you would like to explore, I can help you both successfully get on this path together. Book a session with me now at

C-U Next Time

By CoachMaryC

I help couples with relationship intimacy and life. As a military veteran I specialize in military relationships and understand the difficulties of active duty military life as well as after military life, transitioning to civilian life. In addition to military; as a mom of four young men, I also help adolescents and young adults understand safer sex and sexual communication in relationships.

4 replies on “Imaaaagination In Intimacy”

Great blog!! We all get older but if you’re still breathing make every chance that you get a chance to make love / have sex…make it count. I’m doing just that!!! Thanks Coach Mary!!


Yes This is an awesome Blog ! We have made it count even when we are so exhausted and in pain ! Me dressing up in my lace outfits has really helped and being more flirtatious also helps . woot woot ! Thanks Mary C !


Yes…another great honest but eye opening blog! I just love how you communicate with us…helps us to better communicate and understand us…therefore our partner…Thanks Coach Mary…you the bomb!


Right on Coach Mary C!! We got to be willing to embrace where we’re at as we grow older together as a couple. Trying something new, or a different way , can be fun!! It also helps to be paired with someone who likes to switch things up while also maintaining a sense of humor when the trying is awkward too. Lol!!


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